I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
