census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
