haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
