I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
