ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
