So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
