FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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