8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
