You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
