i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
