hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
