My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
