I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
