I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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