Just cropdusted the office
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize