Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
