so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
