All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
