Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
