Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
