It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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