How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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