you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want to make out with him forever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
