I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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