who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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