would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
