so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
