i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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