How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
