I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
MIDGETS
????
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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