God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
