Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
