This is not my ceiling
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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