He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
