RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
