everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize