Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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