finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
