No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
