did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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