he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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