Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
