1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
