She is in my trunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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