I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
