youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
