I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
