if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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