don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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