I will die if light touches me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
