You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
