i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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