i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
