i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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