I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
