I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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