i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
