ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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