Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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