When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
