You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
thus making me awesome and them whores
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
