I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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