Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
