the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Small penises have feelings too.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
