I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
