I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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