I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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