i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
