yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
