hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
