how can u be prego again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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