I wish my penis had an off switch
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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