DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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