My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sarcasm needs its own font
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
