I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
